Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Why? Why are the Holidays the most wonderful time of the year? 

Decorating, cooking, baking, shopping, gathering are some of the nouns immediately popped in my head.. FUN!

You don’t have to be a Christian to smell the chestnuts roasting on an open fire. The magic is in the air. Children are so excited during this time of year: The anticipation is inflating the balloon. It gets bigger and bigger and bigger… I love kids, I love how they don’t filter anything and express their feelings as is.

I observed my friend’s two young boys, who were being shy and not wanting to say hi to all the grown-ups until one of the ladies said:'' you know Santa is watching, you better be good”.. My goodness, the little boys’ faces just immediately lit up with smiles and they started listing their Christmas wishes to us all…FUN!

Please understand, I am not about to be the Ebenezer Scrooge here, but our topic is Grief!

The hustle and bustle of the Holidays are the BEST distractions to hide under,  if you don’t want to think about “it”. 

What if your kids are older and you are in that in-between chapter of life, no exciting announcements of a new partner or a spouse or even better a grandchild on the way. Cousins, aunts, uncles far away? When  the office party, the cookie swap, friend’s holiday is over, clothes already fitting a bit tighter, now what? It’s just you and your ugly sweater!

Why are we trying to bury our true feelings using every aspect of this time period we call The Holidays? Well, here I go, speak of the dead, dying and grief. Don’t pretend you don’t feel it too…

Recently I had a conversation with a good friend regarding deaths that occur during the month of December. I expressed that it seems every year in December we hear about a heightened number of deaths. It almost seems like a year-end clean up happens in December. My friend disagreed with me and suggested that it is not the number of deaths that heightens  but our senses:  WE are especially in a more delicate state of mind because we think about our loved ones who are no longer with us during the Holidays… For some it is the first Holiday without that person, for others it is the 24th one. 

For some it is a child or an elderly member of the family who was suffering for years, for others it was a sudden death, catching everyone by surprise! Some are celebrities we all loved, some are only special to their loved ones…

I miss my grandma Melos, I miss Narf and Luap and I miss Dan.

My grandma was an outstanding cook. While she meticulously wrapped the grape leaves with her special rice, pine nuts and currents filling she would tell us stories from her childhood. She grew up in a multicultural neighborhood in the melting pot of one of the most cosmopolitan cities of the world,  Istanbul in 1920’s. The French nanny who said: “Beaucoup Mouiller” when she checked the clean laundry hanging on the line. She meant: “they were still very wet”. But the old lady who did not speak French at all, heard: “Bokumu Ye” in Turkish (eat my poop!!) and got angry with her… Hah, me and my cousins used to laugh at this story every time we heard it….

My dearest mother- in-law’s nickname was Narf. Of course it came from Dan who for a few years in Highschool only spoke backwards, who else!!!

When I met this wonderful woman who later became my second mother and my children’s grandmother, the only sentiment I had was admiration: Adoring wife, mother, grandmother, an amazing homemaker… What a graceful, beautiful human she was… I will share her Christmas tree recipe with her handwriting. 

Talking about the ones we are grieving is healthy. It makes me feel good. It eases my sorrow, it makes me smile. 

I get into a very weird mood, right after Thanksgiving. I gear up to plow through the Holidays with a big smile on my face that is not 100% genuine. 

Let us remember a few facts: I did not grow up celebrating Christmas. My early Christmas memories only go back to 1987, in California, my aunt and uncle’s house. I was 19 years old when I celebrated my first LA Christmas. Later on, once Dan and I got married I dove into the Holiday traditions like a PRO!

Holiday Cards✔️

Family pollyanna gift exchange (one for kids ✔️ and one for adults ✔️).

Tree ✔ ️ Has to be a fresh tree.

House decorations inside ✔️ and outside ✔️

GIFTS✔️

Cookies✔️

Down to the jingle bell that sounded just like Santa’s sleigh… Dan used to come down the stairs first, telling the girls he needed to check and make sure Santa wasn’t still in the living room … As he jingled the bell and changed his voice laughing: “ Ho Ho Ho!!” the girls would squirm and wiggle upstairs, can’t wait to go down and see…So much fun!

As I was putting up the tree this year, I noticed that there was a praying mantis on our tree. For a split second, I panicked. Only because I do not want to deal with an egg pod hatching and  2-300 praying mantis babies hatching inside of my house but then a dear friend directed me to a spiritual angle and said: “Finding a praying mantis is sometimes believed that Angels are watching over you”. 

I have a lot of Angels up there. And I hope they are watching over me. They see that sometimes I feel lonely and blue, only for a second. Then I remind myself to lean into my feelings and think about, talk about my Angels and I feel the comfort and the relief as I look through the pages of an old photo album.

I wish all of you a wonderful Holiday Season and if you want, send me a note about a wonderful Holiday memory of a loved one who is not with you anymore.

Or not. Just think about them and smile….