CAT NAME LUCKY”

Our pets, we LOVE them. They are such an important part of our lives.  Growing up I had a cat named Biricik (which means ”the only one”). She was a beautiful, mostly white, long haired cat with black spots. I don’t think we had room for a pet in our small city apartment with mom, dad, three kids and grandma, but my little sister was the kid who would bring home stray cats, dogs, injured birds, and any other living creature she could rescue, and we never had a shortage of inventory of rescue animals. The narrow and crowded streets of Istanbul are full of stray cats and dogs. The local government and residents help for the care and well being of these animals. There is even a documentary about the stray cats in Istanbul called KEDI.  If you would like to check it out. Here is the link to the trailer. 

https://youtu.be/BK3xCQVkfDQ?si=kfBiGgkLuSo3Aqib

Biricik quickly became a very important part of our family and lived a long healthy life. She died when she was 20 years old, in human years that is. 

Losing a pet, especially for a child could be traumatic. Recently I was reading an article about children and  children’s understanding of death.

The article says: “young children are interested in the idea of death, for example in birds, insects and animals. They can begin to use the word 'dead' as early as age 2 and develop an awareness that this is different to being alive. However, children of this age do not understand abstract concepts like 'forever' and cannot grasp that death is permanent.”

It is up to the parents to explain in a plain, age appropriate language, specific for that period. Parents also need to update their explanation in the upcoming ages and stages as the child grows and is ready to understand more. Parents, caregivers have an important job since this sensitive topic may influence the child’s mental development.

I think it is genius who ever came up with “Dog years”, or “cat years” to compare it with human years, don’t you think?  For my kids growing up there was Wishbone the cat who lived to be 19. The translation in cat years will make him 133. He lived a good life before he crossed over the rainbow bridge. My kids, and I remember Wishbone fondly.

And now about Lucky. I have never actually met Lucky the cat. But I heard so much about him from his owner Jackie. 

I met Jackie in the fall of 2004. It didn't take us long before we became close friends. We worked together. Her big smile and bubbly personality was infectious.  I loved her positive output. As two co-workers do, whenever we had a chance we shared stories of family, our childhoods, siblings, boyfriends, we talked about everything two girlfriends talk.. During those chats was the first time I started hearing about Lucky the cat.

As our friendship grew closer, I started noticing that Jackie’s life was not all rainbows and unicorns. I also noticed that whenever the conversation took a darker, sadder direction, she would change the topic back to Lucky the cat. Before I realized, we would be back to giggling laughing about the adventures of this silly tuxedo cat named Lucky.  

The way Jackie told Lucky the cat  stories, was in present tense, which led you mistakenly to think that he was still alive or that he passed recently and the grief of losing Lucky is so great that she can’t bring herself to use past tense when she mentioned him. 

The Reality was that  Lucky was the childhood pet and around the time when Jackie and I became friends, Lucky was already in kitty heaven for over 10 or 15 years. He died from kidney failure. Jackie was 15 years old. Little weird but, OK, let's find out more.

Jackie grew up in a cute small town America with her Mom, Dad, Brother and  Sister. Her grandfather was the fire chief of the town. Everyone new Pops. Aunts, uncles, cousins also lived nearby too. Sunday gravy with the whole family, strolls down the mainstreet with friends, trips to the corner candy store, celebrations, birthdays, holidays.. Jackie would get to ride the big fire engine during 4th of July parades with her grandfather; you get the picture!  And of course,  Lucky the Cat was at the center of all this happy, picture-perfect life. 

As the years go by, and the children become more aware of their surroundings, they start to see things a little differently and with that another picture starts to become clear. I am certain that Jackie did not like this new picture, not for the least:

Mom suffered from depression and most likely other mental illnesses. Binge eating, excessive spending are among the few issues Jackie shared with me. These episodes would be so dramatic, that Mom either would gain a lot of weight, or max out credit cards to the point of, Jackie’s dad needing to get secondary jobs to be able to pay down the debt. Things were spiraling inside Jackie’s home. Her big brother joined the marines and was sent across the country,  her dad finally threw in the towel and filed for divorce, the house went up for sale. 

Already in a very delicate mental state, Jackie’s mom had a nervous breakdown and had to be hospitalized. Jackie, her sister and Lucky the cat  had to move in with the grandparents. 

Maybe it is an old habit or maybe it is cultural, or it could even be related to religion, I can’t say, but our parents and their parent’s generation more often swept the common family issues under the rug with an out of sight, out of mind attitude. Things were not discussed. Professional opinion or help was frowned upon. How the Holiday card looked was more important than the real picture.  While the photo on the card projected a happy, dressed in coordinated clothing, a beautiful family with big smiles on their faces, the truth was far from it: “She is a child”, Jackie’s  grandma would say, “she doesn’t understand, it’s over her head”. “Give her some sweets and send her out to play with her friends, she will be OK.”  Jackie was far from OK. 

When Lucky died, for Jackie, the only thing that was left from her happy childhood was his portrait hanging on her bedroom wall. 

This fluffy black and white furry friend was so much more than a pet. And with his death, Jackie wrapped all of her emotions and her empathy and buried it in the backyard. Moving forward there was only one emotion for the outside world to see: FUN!!!!

Deep inside there was such turbulence. She needed some answers, as well as, security, direction, structure, heck, forget all of it she needed a HUG. 

None of this made any sense to a young teenage girl and it was not fair and maybe, I can’t say for sure but maybe,  for a while, she hoped and prayed that things would get better. Her mom would get better, dad would come back home and  maybe, they can go back to being the loving family as they were once. 

And she waited, and she waited some more… She avoided any negative thoughts, concepts. She dismissed and avoided any circumstance, person, that might bring her down. “Naive and immature”, they called her. One time, when we were in the office working,  I caught her watching the same video of a man who fell down a mall escalator, over and over again laughing hysterically… This may be normal for a 11 year old but when you are 30 and have two children, it is a bit alarming. 

Girl just wanted to have FUN! Responsibility, accountability, sacrifice… Maybe she was allergic to these concepts or maybe she blocked it out. Instead when going got tough, or when she got in trouble, and she got in trouble a lot, there was always someone, grandpa, dad, brother, boyfriend, husband, would be there to clean up the mess and things will get better again. One might think that she would do everything to prevent the same fate of what happened to her family. She didn’t, she couldn’t. 

Life was happening around her: Marriage, kids, house and yes, bills, just everyday responsibilities and chores piling up around her and she was ignoring it. Sometimes ignoring gets hard, and that is when she started resorting to substances: Alcohol at the top of the list and the list got longer and longer. The roller coaster reaches the top of the incline. There is only one way to go: DOWN!

I picture the little girl with red, white and blue ribbons holding her pigtails, looking for her parents, or her grandparents to give her some answers: People get sick sometimes, they will go to the doctor and get medicine. Or, mommies and daddies sometimes need to live in separate houses, and this doesn’t mean they don’t love you or this is not your fault. Our beloved pets, just like any other living creature, die… Maybe Lucky, too, was 75 years old in human years, maybe, that would have helped Jackie see life a bit differently. Maybe…

My last communication with Jackie was back in 2018. I didn’t mean to cut my ties with her, I am sure her other friends didn’t either. There comes a point in every friendship, if the help and support I am trying to offer is no longer welcome and the relationship is now toxic, I need to protect myself and put distance, let things cool down or take a break. 

I don’t know where Jackie  is or what she is up to these days. She is probably still smiling, ready to put on her make up and go out to party. I hope she is with good company. One thing for certain is that no matter where she is living, the portrait of Lucky the cat is still hanging on the wall. 

I am sorry my dear friend. Life disappointed you, your family disappointed you and everyone else blamed you for being the irresponsible one. You had so many unanswered questions, so many tears to cry, with no shoulder to lean on.

Rest in Peace Lucky!